An absolute runaway winner for worst third party figure
name, Heavy Noisey is the Warbotron version of Brawl, and is a stunning looking
version at that. It’s just, man, that name is so bad.
Heavy Noisey is the slightest of the Warbotron team,
establishing early on that it would perpetuate the trend of Brawl being the
worst served Combaticon. The Fall of Cybertron line did it; Combiner Wars did
it. Now, the third parties are doing it.
The figure looks good but plain in robot mode, hitting all
of the Brawl marks in a very G1ish fashion, but just coming across bland and
plain on the whole. Super faithful to the original animation model, unlike the
previously examined Air Burst, Heavy Noisey isn’t a figure that’s just hitting
certain marks for the character, but is totally nailing the look of the
character. The color is right, the body is right, the behind the back cannon is
right. The head sculpt is totally right.
The tank mode is totally awesome.
Heavy Noisey does have some issues though, although in
fairness right from the start, this set of figures was the first third party
set I had any QC issues with in the time I’ve been a third party collector, so
there are some things that I got a bit more critical of as I progressed through
the set as a whole. The only major issue came with Fierce Attack, which we’ll
get to eventually, but that one did make me a bit more sensitive to things with
the other figures. The only thing QC related on Heavy Noisey was that the forearms
were so tight that, once the figure was put into tank mode, it was really,
really difficult to return the arms to robot mode. The forearms slide up over
the elbows, as happens on so many transforming robot toys as to make counting
impossible. But because the forearms were screwed together so tightly, there
was not enough space for them to slide back down and expose the elbows. The
first time I tried transforming Heavy Noisey back to robot mode, I thought I’d
broken the figure somehow. Loosening some screws solved the problem, but then
causes the forearms to be a little floppy, like they aren’t as sturdily
attached to the figure any longer. There’s no visible separation in the
plastic, or anything to indicate that the pieces are now too loose, but there
is a degree of play in the parts now that was not present initially.
That one was easily enough fixed, but there are some
problems with Heavy Noisey’s design that are not so easily dispelled. The legs
are mostly hollow, as they convert for tank mode in that oh-so-familiar way,
and they do have a little difficulty supporting the figure. Which is real odd,
since the figure is light and slight, so it’s not an issue of poor weight
distribution or balance. No, the problem comes from the ankles, which are
plates that rotate on the lower leg with feet attached to hinges that don’t
flex enough, causing the figure to be unable to stand in any wide stance. Plus,
the foot/ankle is just a part that’s attached to the larger leg, so the bottom
of the foot is flat while the toe can be rotated or positioned differently,
causing a conflict between the two parts that leads to issues with balance.
This aside, Heavy Noisey is real narrow at the shoulders. The
arms are mounted on outward moving hinges, and there is no shoulder to really
speak of, and that make the figure look smaller than it should for the
character and fact that the guy turns into a tank. Heavy Noisey is wider at the
knees than at the shoulders. Visually, much of the bulk of the figure comes
from the tank turret backpack, which can be removed, and the tank barrel
converted into a pretty substantial blaster. But the turret hangs too low in
robot mode, and the overall look really feels like they designed three quarters
of a toy and then stuck a turret on the back. The turret is real big, and makes Heavy Noisey
take a kind of Gammera appearance if viewed straight on from the front at about
chest level. But without the turret attached, the view from the rear is really
weak. Truly, the toy does not look good without this turret backpack. At all.
Heavy Noisey also carries a pair of blasters that plug into holes on the
turret, and these blasters do look like the weapon the G1 figure had, which is
kind of nice. 
Honestly, just kind of glancing over at Heavy Noisey while
writing this, the issues with the figure are all in the upper body and arms. That’s
really it. The figure does a neat thing to cover the gaps in the back of the
legs, as a panel folds down to cover the opening left by the thighs folding out
for transformation. Such a simple thing, but something more toys should do.
Tank mode is the ol’ familiar basically M-1 Abrams tank
mode, and it is a real looker here. All of the normal statements to try and
describe the alt mode apply here: realistic, well detailed, accurate in a
general sense to both toy, character, and real-world vehicle. The turret simply
plugs onto the top of the tank body and voila! The turret can rotate 360
degrees, and the barrel does have some limited up and down movement. But here
is something almost incredible: Heavy Noisey’s tank mode has NO WHEELS. The treads
are molded real nicely, but there are no wheels in them to allow the tank to
roll. Maybe that’s just something that we take for granted so much that not
including it is some kind of mind boggling thing. It doesn’t subtract from the
figure, or the alt mode, it’s just kind of surprising that a thing so basic and
standard isn’t present.
So, it wouldn’t be accurate to say that Heavy Noisey is a
bad figure, but Heavy Noisey does absolutely suffer from some design choices.
The lack of shoulders really blows it for this figure as a standalone toy. In the
context of the rest of the Warbotron team, like in a line up or group shot, it’s
perfectly fine. It can’t be stressed enough, if this figure simply had
shoulders, it would be exponentially better. But, it is apparently Brawl who is
cursed to always be the Combaticon who doesn’t work out as well as he should,
an almost unbelievable thing considering nothing about the design is overly
complicated. Heavy Noisey is going to end up being the weakest member of this
set, but is not a hopeless figure. He probably has the best aesthetic, but just
misses the mark in places that it really shouldn’t. 
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